He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
