I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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