I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Randomize
