$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
