Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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