it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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