Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
