no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
