I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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