I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
