Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
