matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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