I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
