I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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