But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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