I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
