You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
