I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
