Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
