I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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