There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
