Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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