where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
