theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
