To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
