for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Still dying that you shit outside
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
