Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
