So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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