is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
