And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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