My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
