No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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