This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
