new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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