Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
