Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
