When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
