the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
