We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
40s are totally the cure
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
