First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
