Sorry, I don't speak sober.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
