obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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