She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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