If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
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I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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