so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
