Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Randomize
