Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
