Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
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