so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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