I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
