She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
