i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
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Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
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The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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