Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
