she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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