I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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