everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
