we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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