Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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