If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
