My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
