i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
