My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
