yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
