i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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