Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize
