I need help removing her.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
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...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
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Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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