you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
