I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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