nut hugger
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Who died my cat blue again?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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