Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
