I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
