Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
