There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
