He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I supernannyed him into submission
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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