You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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