Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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