There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
