So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
